Sunday, October 31, 2004
Well it's been a long time since I wrote anything, and alot has happened... but maybe I will catch that stuff on a later note.
I started to see yesterday that things are not the way I think they really are/used to be... I am sure you are thinking to yourself "well DUH" but it's a little bit different than that. I really don't know if I want to continue associating myself with the people that are around me... any of them. Sure they seem to have a good time and hang out with everyone else, etc... but I think everyone could give two shits about me or what I do. No one really tries to find out what's going on or even calls me unless it's convenient for them. If I do ending up hanging out it's because I find about what's going on long after everyone else already knew and I just happened to talk to that person that day.
Put that on top of the fact that people keep lying to and about me... new rumors seem to come up out of nowhere all the time (did you know I'm a cokehead?... never done it in my life even...) and the people I do wanna hang out with... they'd rather do other things I guess.
If there is one thing I could wish... and man do I seriously mean this... I wish my back would have never gotten bad 3 years ago, because I would have NEVER gone back down to the cafe and I wouldn't be caught up in this crowd of people. That's right I said it. I wouldn't have met any of them. And while this change in time would affect me too (different car, friends, job, I might not be manager now, etc.) I really just don't care at this point.
I used to be sad, but sad goes away. I used to be bored, but I'd find something to do. Now?... it's getting harder and harder when you are around these people. Same ol' same ol'. Everyone just wants to fuckin' drink. Well whoopty-fuckin-doo, it gets boring and old after a while people. And the people who have the least money are the people that do it the most often. Make any sense to you?
AND THE WORST PART?!?!?! The people I do wanna hang out with and spend time with... I don't think they ever really want to. That's what friends are for, right? Those couple people I see the least, and wish I hung out with the most.
But what can you do? Much like the way of life goes, I have to wait until I can find something else to replace all of this with before I can just let it all go. I have been seriously considering trying to move to St. Louis... no one needs me here, and at least I have good friends down there. Shit, if there was a Game Crazy up near Mauston I'd move with Brad just to get the fuck out of Racine. This city eats at you, tears you apart, I swear. I almost want to go to school out of town, JUST to get out of here and force myself to work harder to find new people. It's just not worth it anymore, but online friends can online get you so far. I can't go out to eat with them, hang out at their house, go out for some drinks, etc...
Just remember that anyone's your friend until you hang up the phone.
I started to see yesterday that things are not the way I think they really are/used to be... I am sure you are thinking to yourself "well DUH" but it's a little bit different than that. I really don't know if I want to continue associating myself with the people that are around me... any of them. Sure they seem to have a good time and hang out with everyone else, etc... but I think everyone could give two shits about me or what I do. No one really tries to find out what's going on or even calls me unless it's convenient for them. If I do ending up hanging out it's because I find about what's going on long after everyone else already knew and I just happened to talk to that person that day.
Put that on top of the fact that people keep lying to and about me... new rumors seem to come up out of nowhere all the time (did you know I'm a cokehead?... never done it in my life even...) and the people I do wanna hang out with... they'd rather do other things I guess.
If there is one thing I could wish... and man do I seriously mean this... I wish my back would have never gotten bad 3 years ago, because I would have NEVER gone back down to the cafe and I wouldn't be caught up in this crowd of people. That's right I said it. I wouldn't have met any of them. And while this change in time would affect me too (different car, friends, job, I might not be manager now, etc.) I really just don't care at this point.
I used to be sad, but sad goes away. I used to be bored, but I'd find something to do. Now?... it's getting harder and harder when you are around these people. Same ol' same ol'. Everyone just wants to fuckin' drink. Well whoopty-fuckin-doo, it gets boring and old after a while people. And the people who have the least money are the people that do it the most often. Make any sense to you?
AND THE WORST PART?!?!?! The people I do wanna hang out with and spend time with... I don't think they ever really want to. That's what friends are for, right? Those couple people I see the least, and wish I hung out with the most.
But what can you do? Much like the way of life goes, I have to wait until I can find something else to replace all of this with before I can just let it all go. I have been seriously considering trying to move to St. Louis... no one needs me here, and at least I have good friends down there. Shit, if there was a Game Crazy up near Mauston I'd move with Brad just to get the fuck out of Racine. This city eats at you, tears you apart, I swear. I almost want to go to school out of town, JUST to get out of here and force myself to work harder to find new people. It's just not worth it anymore, but online friends can online get you so far. I can't go out to eat with them, hang out at their house, go out for some drinks, etc...
Just remember that anyone's your friend until you hang up the phone.
