Wednesday, June 13, 2007
This is it. I have finally taken my stand.
I have finally decided... The time has come... To end this...
...And to this I say goodbye.
I have finally decided... The time has come... To end this...
...And to this I say goodbye.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
I decided to post here, because I don't feel it necessary that everyone read it, and those who find it, are those who are wondering what's going on lately.
I'm not sure where to go from here. I have these nauseating feelings, that something isn't going right... And that I am continuing down the wrong path that I am not controlling right now.
Day in day out... Things such as work, the loneliness, the issues with my back, money money money money money... I am moving out in what, less than 3 weeks now... All this pressure is breaking me down. I don't have the money I need for this and that, thanks to prescriptions, things I need to get done (X-Rays, MRI, dentist bills) and the thing that is bothering me the most at this current second in my head is work.
I have this sinking feeling that something just isn't right... Ever since I got written up for next to nothing. Basically, our store has been performing just outstanding. Our numbers have been high, things have been pretty good, yet I get written up because a few things don't look the way my "boss" feels they should be? Come on now... But I am starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with my job and with as badly as I need the money that isn't good.
The thing that kills me... I can turn around at stare at probably close to $1,500+ worth of rare games and things... But I think I would lose it if I actually sold it all... I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on anymore even I don't know and it's scaring the shit out of me. I mean sometimes I just don't know how I got by the past 24 hours with
- edit - Okay well I just got completely sidetracked for a half hour or so and there is a storm outside so I'm going for a drive. No need to finish the above thought.
I'm not sure where to go from here. I have these nauseating feelings, that something isn't going right... And that I am continuing down the wrong path that I am not controlling right now.
Day in day out... Things such as work, the loneliness, the issues with my back, money money money money money... I am moving out in what, less than 3 weeks now... All this pressure is breaking me down. I don't have the money I need for this and that, thanks to prescriptions, things I need to get done (X-Rays, MRI, dentist bills) and the thing that is bothering me the most at this current second in my head is work.
I have this sinking feeling that something just isn't right... Ever since I got written up for next to nothing. Basically, our store has been performing just outstanding. Our numbers have been high, things have been pretty good, yet I get written up because a few things don't look the way my "boss" feels they should be? Come on now... But I am starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with my job and with as badly as I need the money that isn't good.
The thing that kills me... I can turn around at stare at probably close to $1,500+ worth of rare games and things... But I think I would lose it if I actually sold it all... I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck is going on anymore even I don't know and it's scaring the shit out of me. I mean sometimes I just don't know how I got by the past 24 hours with
- edit - Okay well I just got completely sidetracked for a half hour or so and there is a storm outside so I'm going for a drive. No need to finish the above thought.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Celldweller - The Last Firstborn
oh man, i can't believe that you did what they said you did
and to this day i've still gotta say that in my mind i question it
i wish i knew what you had meant before you went and left me wondering
to just an echo of your voice 'listen...'
now i wait to take my turn to bleed
like a kid playing with a razorblade
and wonder if i have the balls at all
or am i gonna be afraid, where are you?
what do you think?
cuz i'm not sure when knocking at death's door if i will be welcome in or be left alone outside
i hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark (listen--my son)
i see the darkness surround
the shape on the ground
the killer straight up and a body face down (firstborn-last one)
i hear the din of the screams
sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline (listen--my son)
i see a heart set free and my legacy
hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me (firstborn-last one)
i guess there comes a point
when you think to yourself
"this isn't worth it, it isn't worth it"
and now i feel what you felt
and now i feel what you felt inside brother
and now i feel what you felt
this isn't worth it, it isn't worth it
i hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark (listen--my son)
i see the darkness surround
the shape on the ground
the killer straight up and a body face down (firstborn-last one)
i hear the din of the screams
sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline (listen--my son)
i see a heart set free and my legacy
hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me (firstborn-last one)
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
live a life in hell
through a mortal shell
asphyxiating smell
for a crime lifetime
imagination locked in a cell
and to the other firstborn, i see the same scene that must play over in your mind
and now how much more i'm sure it's fucked with your head
just like it's fucked up mine.
"listen my son-firstborn last one"
the message you sent out to me
i cannot change what's meant to be
the message you sent out to me
i cannot change what's meant to be
i hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark (listen--my son)
i see the darkness surround
the shape on the ground
the killer straight up and a body face down (firstborn-last one)
i hear the din of the screams
sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline (listen--my son)
i see a heart set free and my legacy
hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me (firstborn-last one)
I love you King and you know I will never forget you. I wanted so bad to show this band to you because it's a weird rock techno mix that I thought you would like and we could jam out ya know man? Now I sit here crying because you took something away that I can never replace...
I'm gonna miss you man... Goddamnit I'm gonna miss you.
RIP King Pettry 10-24-2005
oh man, i can't believe that you did what they said you did
and to this day i've still gotta say that in my mind i question it
i wish i knew what you had meant before you went and left me wondering
to just an echo of your voice 'listen...'
now i wait to take my turn to bleed
like a kid playing with a razorblade
and wonder if i have the balls at all
or am i gonna be afraid, where are you?
what do you think?
cuz i'm not sure when knocking at death's door if i will be welcome in or be left alone outside
i hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark (listen--my son)
i see the darkness surround
the shape on the ground
the killer straight up and a body face down (firstborn-last one)
i hear the din of the screams
sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline (listen--my son)
i see a heart set free and my legacy
hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me (firstborn-last one)
i guess there comes a point
when you think to yourself
"this isn't worth it, it isn't worth it"
and now i feel what you felt
and now i feel what you felt inside brother
and now i feel what you felt
this isn't worth it, it isn't worth it
i hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark (listen--my son)
i see the darkness surround
the shape on the ground
the killer straight up and a body face down (firstborn-last one)
i hear the din of the screams
sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline (listen--my son)
i see a heart set free and my legacy
hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me (firstborn-last one)
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't, i wish it didn't
i wish it didn't end this way
live a life in hell
through a mortal shell
asphyxiating smell
for a crime lifetime
imagination locked in a cell
and to the other firstborn, i see the same scene that must play over in your mind
and now how much more i'm sure it's fucked with your head
just like it's fucked up mine.
"listen my son-firstborn last one"
the message you sent out to me
i cannot change what's meant to be
the message you sent out to me
i cannot change what's meant to be
i hear the sound of a heart
from the shadow in the dark
waiting for the poison to hit its mark (listen--my son)
i see the darkness surround
the shape on the ground
the killer straight up and a body face down (firstborn-last one)
i hear the din of the screams
sorrow in streams
the smell of farewell and gasoline (listen--my son)
i see a heart set free and my legacy
hear a voice from a shadow that is beckoning me (firstborn-last one)
I love you King and you know I will never forget you. I wanted so bad to show this band to you because it's a weird rock techno mix that I thought you would like and we could jam out ya know man? Now I sit here crying because you took something away that I can never replace...
I'm gonna miss you man... Goddamnit I'm gonna miss you.
RIP King Pettry 10-24-2005
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Well I don't know where to start.
Tekken 5 is alot of fun, and I try to keep my mind set on it so my mind doesn't wander... but there is always something I see or hear that makes my heart skip a beat and it totally throws me off. I know I am longing for something that is probably never to be. I know I am fighting something that should have been gone a long time ago. No one knows better than I do, and I get so tired of hearing it cause it just makes me think about it more. I do everything I can to let it go. I hang out with people that don't even have ties to this city. I do things I don't normally do. I try to meet new people that I don't know now, I really do try more than most think... I try so hard... :'(
I just wish I could stop feeling like the world is over because of this... I know it's not, I know someday things will be better, and someday I will allow myself to let go. Someday I will be strong. Someday how I think and how I feel will come to agreements with each other. Somehow I will be able to feel the way I think, I will be able to feel that this was all just a waste of time; feeling so sad all the time. One by one, things are changing, and hopefully I too, will change.
I remember who I really am. I remember how I really act, how I really deal with things like this, and how this all began. I am trying harder than ever to become that person again. To feel like I'm not alone... cause realistically, I'm not! I know there are people who are there for me, people who have dealt with the same things I am dealing with, and people who can understand where I am coming from... I just need to let those people help, and stop forcing everyone away so much.
Now really, does this post make any sense? Think about it. "So you're telling me... You know better, you know that you need to let go, you know things will be alright, but you STILL can't feel better?... And you know you should let people help? Well WTF!" Well I think most people should know it's not that easy. It's like knowing you shouldn't buy something, thinking about how else the money could be spent... and buying it anyways. Why? Because you want it. It got ahold of you, you feel attached to it, and you want it.
The more I type, the more I preach... the better I start to feel. But as soon as I leave this keyboard, and something happens that reminds me... I will be back to square one. I guess this is like an impossible game, with infinite continues, so to speak. You KNOW it can be beaten, and you can try as hard as you want, and sometime you will find that cheapness, so to speak. That thing that will let you win. Well that's what I am trying to find. That one thing, that let's me win, that lets me know everything is all right, and that there is no reason for me to go on in the current condition I am in.
Well there's always meds... but that's like using a cheat code. :)
Shadow Hado (currently roughly W172-L83, 4th Dan, All black guitar playin' Hwoarang)
Tekken 5 is alot of fun, and I try to keep my mind set on it so my mind doesn't wander... but there is always something I see or hear that makes my heart skip a beat and it totally throws me off. I know I am longing for something that is probably never to be. I know I am fighting something that should have been gone a long time ago. No one knows better than I do, and I get so tired of hearing it cause it just makes me think about it more. I do everything I can to let it go. I hang out with people that don't even have ties to this city. I do things I don't normally do. I try to meet new people that I don't know now, I really do try more than most think... I try so hard... :'(
I just wish I could stop feeling like the world is over because of this... I know it's not, I know someday things will be better, and someday I will allow myself to let go. Someday I will be strong. Someday how I think and how I feel will come to agreements with each other. Somehow I will be able to feel the way I think, I will be able to feel that this was all just a waste of time; feeling so sad all the time. One by one, things are changing, and hopefully I too, will change.
I remember who I really am. I remember how I really act, how I really deal with things like this, and how this all began. I am trying harder than ever to become that person again. To feel like I'm not alone... cause realistically, I'm not! I know there are people who are there for me, people who have dealt with the same things I am dealing with, and people who can understand where I am coming from... I just need to let those people help, and stop forcing everyone away so much.
Now really, does this post make any sense? Think about it. "So you're telling me... You know better, you know that you need to let go, you know things will be alright, but you STILL can't feel better?... And you know you should let people help? Well WTF!" Well I think most people should know it's not that easy. It's like knowing you shouldn't buy something, thinking about how else the money could be spent... and buying it anyways. Why? Because you want it. It got ahold of you, you feel attached to it, and you want it.
The more I type, the more I preach... the better I start to feel. But as soon as I leave this keyboard, and something happens that reminds me... I will be back to square one. I guess this is like an impossible game, with infinite continues, so to speak. You KNOW it can be beaten, and you can try as hard as you want, and sometime you will find that cheapness, so to speak. That thing that will let you win. Well that's what I am trying to find. That one thing, that let's me win, that lets me know everything is all right, and that there is no reason for me to go on in the current condition I am in.
Well there's always meds... but that's like using a cheat code. :)
Shadow Hado (currently roughly W172-L83, 4th Dan, All black guitar playin' Hwoarang)
Thursday, December 02, 2004
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Well, well, well, what have we here?
Sandy Claws, huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha
You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my eyes
You're jokin' me, you gotta be
This can't be the right guy
He's ancient, he's ugly
I don't know which is worse
I might just split a seam now
If I don't die laughing first
When Mr. Oogie Boogie says
There's trouble close at hand
You'd better pay attention now
'Cause I'm the Boogie Man
And if you aren't shakin'
Then something's very wrong
'Cause this may be the last time now
That you hear the boogie song, ohhh
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[SEVEN LIZARDS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[SEVEN LIZARDS]
Ohhh, he's the Oogie Boogie Man
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Well if I'm feelin' antsy
And there's nothin' much to do
I might just cook a special batch
Of snake and spider stew
And don't ya know one thing
That would make it work so nice?
A roly-poly Sandy Claws to add a little spice
[THREE SKELTONS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Oh, yeah
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE & THREE SKELETONS]
Oh, yeah, I'm/he's the Oogie Boogie Man
[SANTA]
Release me now
Or you must face the dire consequences
The children are expecting me
So please come, to your senses
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my ears
Would someone shut this fella up
I'm drownin' in my tears
It's funny, I'm laughing
You really are too much
And now, with your permission
I'm going to do my stuff
[SANTA]
What are you going to do?
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
I'm gonna do the best I can
Oh, the sound of rollin' dice
To me is music in the air
'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man
Although I don't play fair
It's much more fun, I must confess
When lives are on the line
Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy
Now that'd be just fine
[SANTA]
Release me fast or you will have to
Answer for this heinous act
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Oh, brother, you're something
You put me in a spin
You aren't comprehending
The position
That you're in
It's hopeless, you're finished
You haven't got a prayer
'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie
And you ain't going nowhere!
Hahahahahaha!
Well, well, well, what have we here?
Sandy Claws, huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha
You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my eyes
You're jokin' me, you gotta be
This can't be the right guy
He's ancient, he's ugly
I don't know which is worse
I might just split a seam now
If I don't die laughing first
When Mr. Oogie Boogie says
There's trouble close at hand
You'd better pay attention now
'Cause I'm the Boogie Man
And if you aren't shakin'
Then something's very wrong
'Cause this may be the last time now
That you hear the boogie song, ohhh
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[SEVEN LIZARDS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[SEVEN LIZARDS]
Ohhh, he's the Oogie Boogie Man
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Well if I'm feelin' antsy
And there's nothin' much to do
I might just cook a special batch
Of snake and spider stew
And don't ya know one thing
That would make it work so nice?
A roly-poly Sandy Claws to add a little spice
[THREE SKELTONS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Oh, yeah
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Ohhh
[THREE BATS]
Ohhh
[OOGIE BOOGIE & THREE SKELETONS]
Oh, yeah, I'm/he's the Oogie Boogie Man
[SANTA]
Release me now
Or you must face the dire consequences
The children are expecting me
So please come, to your senses
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my ears
Would someone shut this fella up
I'm drownin' in my tears
It's funny, I'm laughing
You really are too much
And now, with your permission
I'm going to do my stuff
[SANTA]
What are you going to do?
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
I'm gonna do the best I can
Oh, the sound of rollin' dice
To me is music in the air
'Cause I'm a gamblin' Boogie Man
Although I don't play fair
It's much more fun, I must confess
When lives are on the line
Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy
Now that'd be just fine
[SANTA]
Release me fast or you will have to
Answer for this heinous act
[OOGIE BOOGIE]
Oh, brother, you're something
You put me in a spin
You aren't comprehending
The position
That you're in
It's hopeless, you're finished
You haven't got a prayer
'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie
And you ain't going nowhere!
Hahahahahaha!
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Another day goes by...
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I'm not really sure where I am at right now, nor where this entry is going... just gonna run with it.
As it gets colder and colder outside I am continuously reminded of the winter... and everything that comes with it. The only thing winter ever reminds me of is pain and suffering. Why? I mean, with all the lights, the feeling I get when I go into malls and see all the people and decorations, Christmas time... why is it that winter is the #1 worst season ever? Other than the cold and the snow, obviously... It just... I dunno, ya know? Heh... Winter just has never been a good time for me... Winter isn't a good time for many people I know. So why is it that so many things happen during the winter? I mean I guess if I think back quite some years, I kinda remember how much fun it used to be... just chillin', going out for coffee, relaxing, just doing whatever as though we were trying to spend the day away. Or how about the Tekken season? That was winter... We were all up there all the time, it was so much fun... But here I am, thinking or believing everything is so different now. I'm not used to being alone during the winter... But that's exactly how it feels right now in so many different ways. Every night I'm home alone, not doing anything with anyone... Has everyone abandoned me? Or have I left them all to rot? I guess I am just starting to feel the "real life" side of things for once. Not drinking all the time, not partying forever, being responsible and holding down a job (manager at that... bah...), but none of that says anything about being alone and I think that is wh... Wait a sec. I KNOW that's what is getting to me more than anything right now. I just don't like this whole feeling alone thing... Or being alone for that matter... I guess that's why doing what I "need" to do has become so much more difficult. I know what comes next. I know how hard it is. All I ask, is that I don't feel this way. Maybe I won't find someone. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. None of that would be so bad if I didn't feel empty, if I didn't feel like it's a necessity to... Yeah I dunno... See I told you this post is randomness.
Just could I somehow get a push in the right direction please? Just a little nudge? I don't want to be so lonely and I don't want anyone else to be either... So all I'm asking I guess is for some self-confidence, or some mind-over-matter type stuff... Somethin' damnit, anything that helps me with my winter-time blues. That'd be awesome.
I don't wanna sound insane, but I can't take the pressure...
Have you ever felt the same? Like you just want to run away...
Shadow Hado
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
I'm not really sure where I am at right now, nor where this entry is going... just gonna run with it.
As it gets colder and colder outside I am continuously reminded of the winter... and everything that comes with it. The only thing winter ever reminds me of is pain and suffering. Why? I mean, with all the lights, the feeling I get when I go into malls and see all the people and decorations, Christmas time... why is it that winter is the #1 worst season ever? Other than the cold and the snow, obviously... It just... I dunno, ya know? Heh... Winter just has never been a good time for me... Winter isn't a good time for many people I know. So why is it that so many things happen during the winter? I mean I guess if I think back quite some years, I kinda remember how much fun it used to be... just chillin', going out for coffee, relaxing, just doing whatever as though we were trying to spend the day away. Or how about the Tekken season? That was winter... We were all up there all the time, it was so much fun... But here I am, thinking or believing everything is so different now. I'm not used to being alone during the winter... But that's exactly how it feels right now in so many different ways. Every night I'm home alone, not doing anything with anyone... Has everyone abandoned me? Or have I left them all to rot? I guess I am just starting to feel the "real life" side of things for once. Not drinking all the time, not partying forever, being responsible and holding down a job (manager at that... bah...), but none of that says anything about being alone and I think that is wh... Wait a sec. I KNOW that's what is getting to me more than anything right now. I just don't like this whole feeling alone thing... Or being alone for that matter... I guess that's why doing what I "need" to do has become so much more difficult. I know what comes next. I know how hard it is. All I ask, is that I don't feel this way. Maybe I won't find someone. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. None of that would be so bad if I didn't feel empty, if I didn't feel like it's a necessity to... Yeah I dunno... See I told you this post is randomness.
Just could I somehow get a push in the right direction please? Just a little nudge? I don't want to be so lonely and I don't want anyone else to be either... So all I'm asking I guess is for some self-confidence, or some mind-over-matter type stuff... Somethin' damnit, anything that helps me with my winter-time blues. That'd be awesome.
I don't wanna sound insane, but I can't take the pressure...
Have you ever felt the same? Like you just want to run away...
Shadow Hado
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
FOREWARNING - You may want to pretend you don't know me for some time it seems
Well I can't say that I am feeling better... but I'm not feeling worse like earlier today when I cried my eyes out wondering how I had everything and I'm losing it all... because at least...
A. I didn't have a miscarriage because my baby only had 12 chromozones
B. I didn't get accused of child abuse last week and now I'm fighting for my daughter.
C. I didn't just get robbed for over $2500 from my house last night.
These are things I recently found out about 3 different friends of mine... by recently I mean in the last hour. There are also other things that have happened to people I know that they are still dealing with as well... Very VERY difficult things that I hope someday they will be able to overcome and be strong about... And while the things bothering me mean HELLA to me... and so do the people involved... the things above are absolutely terrible. If I lose my job, I will be distrought... but I would find a way to get another job, and probably move up to Mauston with Brad. As far as Beka and I go... I will care about her and love with all my heart for the rest of my life no matter what happens, and I hope someday she can be happy and forgive herself too, anyway she can, because she deserves to be happy.
It just makes me so angry... that here I am... knowing how miserable I am hidden inside... but it took a compilation over other people's misery to make me not think about my problems. Does this make me selfish, or does it mean I am able to recognize the severity of different problems? Also, does this mean I will be okay? Or will it add to the madness and again come fullforce at me?
I don't wish any of this on anyone... I could never want someone to be this unhappy. When I say that, I mean me, Beka, the other people mentioned... any of it. I refuse to believe any of us have done wrong that could justify such things to happen at these times of our lives.
I'm very sorry.
Well I can't say that I am feeling better... but I'm not feeling worse like earlier today when I cried my eyes out wondering how I had everything and I'm losing it all... because at least...
A. I didn't have a miscarriage because my baby only had 12 chromozones
B. I didn't get accused of child abuse last week and now I'm fighting for my daughter.
C. I didn't just get robbed for over $2500 from my house last night.
These are things I recently found out about 3 different friends of mine... by recently I mean in the last hour. There are also other things that have happened to people I know that they are still dealing with as well... Very VERY difficult things that I hope someday they will be able to overcome and be strong about... And while the things bothering me mean HELLA to me... and so do the people involved... the things above are absolutely terrible. If I lose my job, I will be distrought... but I would find a way to get another job, and probably move up to Mauston with Brad. As far as Beka and I go... I will care about her and love with all my heart for the rest of my life no matter what happens, and I hope someday she can be happy and forgive herself too, anyway she can, because she deserves to be happy.
It just makes me so angry... that here I am... knowing how miserable I am hidden inside... but it took a compilation over other people's misery to make me not think about my problems. Does this make me selfish, or does it mean I am able to recognize the severity of different problems? Also, does this mean I will be okay? Or will it add to the madness and again come fullforce at me?
I don't wish any of this on anyone... I could never want someone to be this unhappy. When I say that, I mean me, Beka, the other people mentioned... any of it. I refuse to believe any of us have done wrong that could justify such things to happen at these times of our lives.
I'm very sorry.
I push my fingers in to my eyes...
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all... the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends... It works its way inside...
If the pain goes on.... AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my time's elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
YOU CANNOT KILL WHAT YOU DID NOT CREATE
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me cause you left me no choice
I push my fingers in to my EYES...
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
If the pain goes on.... I'm not gonna make it!
Pull me back together
Or seperate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces
Then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way:
NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS
I push my fingers in to my eyes...
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all... the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends... It works its way inside...
If the pain goes on....
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
I PUSH MY FINGERS IN TO MMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
EEEEEYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSS
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all... the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends... It works its way inside...
If the pain goes on....
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all... the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends... It works its way inside...
If the pain goes on.... AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited as my time's elapsed
Now all I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
YOU CANNOT KILL WHAT YOU DID NOT CREATE
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like one big past
You're left with me cause you left me no choice
I push my fingers in to my EYES...
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
If the pain goes on.... I'm not gonna make it!
Pull me back together
Or seperate the skin from bone
Leave me all the pieces
Then you can leave me alone
Tell me the reality is better than the dream
But I found out the hard way:
NOTHING IS WHAT IT SEEMS
I push my fingers in to my eyes...
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all... the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends... It works its way inside...
If the pain goes on....
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
I PUSH MY FINGERS IN TO MMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
EEEEEYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSSS
It's the only thing... that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all... the things I have to take...
Jesus, it never ends... It works its way inside...
If the pain goes on....
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
All I've got... all I've got is insane...
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
ALL I'VE GOT... ALL I'VE GOT IS INSANE
